Thanks for checking in on my progress. If it wasn’t for you, I’m fairly sure this week would have broken me. I mean, not actually of course, but I definitely considered cheating or just giving up this week. And here’s why:

All of a sudden, my toddler daughter’s tights seemed to give her an unacceptable amount of builders bottom. We’re in a chilly month and so I popped to town in a bid to find some inexpensive new ones…

First stop was GAP. For tights, nothing much cut the mustard. The problem came when walking past the jeans. One of my most worn pairs of jeans is from GAP. And unbeknown to many people, (until my Insta stories yesterday..) they have a growing hole in the crotch area. So keeping eyes forward to avoid checking out all of the jeans was genuinely a bit of an effort.  To be fair the grizzle’s coming from the bottom of the Phil & Teds, along with the need to keep my daughter moving away from a pair of sparkly shoes snapped me out of my yearnings!

In retrospect, my next move was a little foolish in the circumstances, as I can’t recall the last time I visited the shop and didn’t see something I loved. But, they have a great kids section. So into H&M we went.

Just walking through the doors made my heart sink. In front of me was a mannequin dressed in a pleated skirt and sweet slogan sweatshirt.  That mannequin will never appreciate her outfit like I could have. Honestly, there and then I so wanted to shop the look, I genuinely considered the possibilities of making excuses, making a sneaky purchase or giving up on Wear What’s There all together. I felt this wave of self pity flood over me, that I was depriving myself. Hmm…. A tad over the top perhaps? Probably. But in my defense, I think there were a few factors at play:

1. The outfit promised to demonstrate my ability to be trendy, fashionable even, whilst simultaneously being 100% me. An achievement that is not an easy feat. I often feel too much or too little. Too ‘girly’ or too ‘mumsy’. Walking away from that (empty) promise felt like I was missing an opportunity. Lies I tell you. All lies!
2. I’m in a phase of life at the moment where I’m really, really tired. A state in which self pity can easily creep in…and so
3. I feel I deserve a pick me up – a treat. Something for me. I think self care is vital. However I think we need to be careful not to muddy it with the concept of rewarding, just because we’ve done life. I am a mother of two. I work. I’m knackered. So I should be rewarded for this?! I’m falling on the no side of the argument, for a whole host of reasons.
4. Since I can remember, I have had yearnings for new stuff. There was the time my beloved Ma took me to C&A. There was a pair of floral culottes. My Mum liked them.  I was desperate for something new but didn’t like them. I had a huge internal conflict resulting in a total meltdown of tears (dramatics have always been with me…),  my mother understandably becoming exceedingly frustrated with me and us leaving the shop with nothing. And I felt so disappointed, even the floral culottes would have been better than nothing… Sigh.  

 

But now, a few days later, do you know, I’m over it. I’m still tired and still would love to go shopping. I would love to replace my holey jeans and I would love that sweatshirt. But since beginning Wear What’s There, I’ve come to realise that I really do have some lovely clothes and thus far, I don’t think I’ve dressed in a manner that could be considered tragic. And although that’s only possible because of my shopping habits prior to 2018, it’s been good to be pushed into making what I do have work for me. It’s also made me consider other non clothing items more readily. I think it’s actually quite scary how little I would consider replacing something just because it wasn’t in my opinion 100% right for the job.

And now, I’m off to find my denim patches to see if I can restore some dignity to my upper thigh.

So I hope you have a great week. On a total tangent, I want to encourage you to dress for you. If you feel you’ve become boxed in or in a rut, see if you can mix it up with what you have. But only if it’s because YOU want to to. Not because you feel you should.

Anna x